The concept of the I-Statements I believe is one the most important concepts to apply. I-statements have the ability to prevent blame and move a conflict along in a healthy way. I grew up in a family where I-statements were used frequently, so it is a second nature.
I have used I-statements in my relationship, and friendships. Any conflict that starts with an accusatory statements, normally does not end well. I remember friends engaging in conflicts where the ton was accusatory. I have two friends that are sisters, and for the sake of making this less confusing I will give them fake names. So Andrea and Stella used to get in arguments frequently. They would start with Andrea accusing Stella of thinking a particular way based off an innocent statement. These arguments would last for hours because one would be stuck defending herself and the other would continue accusing her. It took a while but eventually they started applying the I-statements which made their arguments so much shorter, and a lot less damaging.
I think that is the most important part of I-statements, the fact that they are a lot less damaging to a person then accusing or blaming.
I think that it’s great that you grew up in a family in which using I-statements was the normal approach to communication. In my house growing up, I-Statements were few and far between and everyone blamed one another for all of their problems. Often in my family, someone would be accused of thinking or feeling a particular way, and the accused would spend the duration of the conversation trying to defend themselves; pretty much exactly as you have described in your example above. Essentially what we ended up with was a bunch of people who feel like no one understands them, and they are all very defensive. It’s nice as an adult to know that there are healthier ways of communicating our way through difficult conflicts.
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