I learned a lot from this class. I learned that sometimes in conflict, I can throw verbal daggers, and because I was made aware of it, I can change it. I also learned that conflict is something that is really good and it doesn't have to be a hugely emotional experience. Conflict can be something that is very positive. And having that view point actually has helped me embrace the conflicts that occur in disagreements in my marriage as well as trust that my husband has my best interest at heart. Being positive about conflict had made me more open to creative ideas on how to have a equally satisfying resolution. I have also learned that in a high emotional conflict, not to take offense to things said out of anger, but instead respond with "How is that constructive to this conversation?" And it sets a boundary, and I also don't respond back in kind. Saying something along those lines puts everyone on a level playing field, and also brings about an apology.
Because of the reading, I was able to put words and definitions to different conflict styles, and it has helped me better understand the conflicts styles within my personal relationships and how to interact with within those styles. It has also helped me work through changes within friendships and forgiveness. This class has given me a better understand of conflict and a desire to work through conflict in a very healthy and non-hurtful way.
I really enjoyed this class. THANKS!!!
Blogging Molly is signing off!
Sunday, December 9, 2012
What I liked Chpt 16 D2
I really enjoyed this class. One, it was online. I love online classes because I don't feel like my time is being wasted in a classroom setting. This class actually forced me to read the text book which is rare, and then I also learned a lot about myself that I could apply. I like classes where the things taught are actually applicable to everyday life. The workshop although, challenging I think was a really fun project to work on. I did not feel like to homework was busy work, which I actually really appreciated. I've spend a long time in school so its really refreshing to have a class where the homework and projects where very practical and logical. The quizzes where also on topics that were covered. A lot of times I find professors give out study guides and then when the test comes, they complicate the crap out of the test. I felt like these quizzes and the midterm where actually on the materials taught.
I will say it was hard to remember that I needed to post blogs every week. That was difficult and I had to write a lot of reminders to myself. Sometimes those did not even work! I wonder if there is a way to set up an automatic email that reminds students of the blogs, granted the point of growing up is learning how to manage and remember things. I really enjoyed this classes and learned a lot from it personally and like that I can apply it to my life.
I will say it was hard to remember that I needed to post blogs every week. That was difficult and I had to write a lot of reminders to myself. Sometimes those did not even work! I wonder if there is a way to set up an automatic email that reminds students of the blogs, granted the point of growing up is learning how to manage and remember things. I really enjoyed this classes and learned a lot from it personally and like that I can apply it to my life.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Chapter 16 D1
People have negative views of conflict I believe because of their mindsets. They don't see conflict as a positive thing in life. They see it as an impending doom. Conflict is a great way to learn more about how other people perceive things, as well as how you filter things as well. It is almost like a litmus test for living and being a healthy person. I think that people who do not seem themselves as creative may struggle more with the idea of conflict because they struggle with finding a solution.
I believe that the more people learn about conflict, it helps them see it differently. When you learn about something, it makes it harder to fear it. Another catalyst to a fear of conflict is experiences. If someone has never had a good conflict experience, they will generally see it in a negative light. Conflict makes a person feel an array of emotions and if they struggle with controlling their emotions that can also lead to a negative view. Conflict has a tendency to highlight the things people don't like about themselves, or things they are blind too. That is a hard thing to take, and the emotions associated with that are negative, and it can cloud someone's view of conflict.
I personally think conflict is good, I always feel like the relationship after a conflict is a lot deeper because I have gained a better understanding of the other person and vice versa. I think that alone makes conflict worth it.
I believe that the more people learn about conflict, it helps them see it differently. When you learn about something, it makes it harder to fear it. Another catalyst to a fear of conflict is experiences. If someone has never had a good conflict experience, they will generally see it in a negative light. Conflict makes a person feel an array of emotions and if they struggle with controlling their emotions that can also lead to a negative view. Conflict has a tendency to highlight the things people don't like about themselves, or things they are blind too. That is a hard thing to take, and the emotions associated with that are negative, and it can cloud someone's view of conflict.
I personally think conflict is good, I always feel like the relationship after a conflict is a lot deeper because I have gained a better understanding of the other person and vice versa. I think that alone makes conflict worth it.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Key Concept
In reading chapter 12, I identified with the misplaced conflict concept. I find that I have a tendency to get upset about little things, like the dishes not being done, garbage not taken out or being asked to run an errand for the husband. When I start getting frustrated with things that normally don't really bother me, I start arguments about the tiny things, when the issue really is that I am not feeling appreciated for my contributions to the household, or I need some encouragement or quality time with him. Instead of being direct, about my needs I get frustrated that my husband does not know my unspoken needs. This is not a good way to deal with conflict and becoming more aware of it has helped me be more direct about my needs and decided to not get annoy or frustrated over the small things.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Attributions
There have been a few times where I made false attributions about someone within a conflict. I generally do not communicate them, but decide them in my head and it controls how I communicate with them. I have learned that attributions can really hinder the solving of a conflict because it can portray the other individual falsely and do a lot more damage.
I have also had false attributions happen to me within the sharing of opinions and information. I was labeled as "white girl privileged" and ignorant because someone did not like my opinion on the upcoming election. While I stated my opinion graciously and kindly, this individual began to lash out rudely. In that moment, I knew I had a choice to either respond back in kind, or shut the conversation down completely. I chose to shut it down, because I could see her opinion of me was formed and there was no reasoning and I could graciously say "Hey we disagree and I am okay with that, but lets not throw around insults because that doesn't make the world a better place, which is our end goal anyway," instead of returning with an insult.
Correct attributions do help, and can be constructive for personal development. When my husband and I were dating, some of our conflicts would get escalated because he did not like to be wrong. he would literally argue with me until I just gave up, even though(after the fact) he knew in his head he was wrong. And if I told him that it seemed as though he was just trying to be right, the conflict would get worse. Over time he began to see that about himself and began to work at it, and be willing to admit when he has been wrong. Attributions can be really helpful but it all really depends on how they are communicated and the heart behind them.
I have also had false attributions happen to me within the sharing of opinions and information. I was labeled as "white girl privileged" and ignorant because someone did not like my opinion on the upcoming election. While I stated my opinion graciously and kindly, this individual began to lash out rudely. In that moment, I knew I had a choice to either respond back in kind, or shut the conversation down completely. I chose to shut it down, because I could see her opinion of me was formed and there was no reasoning and I could graciously say "Hey we disagree and I am okay with that, but lets not throw around insults because that doesn't make the world a better place, which is our end goal anyway," instead of returning with an insult.
Correct attributions do help, and can be constructive for personal development. When my husband and I were dating, some of our conflicts would get escalated because he did not like to be wrong. he would literally argue with me until I just gave up, even though(after the fact) he knew in his head he was wrong. And if I told him that it seemed as though he was just trying to be right, the conflict would get worse. Over time he began to see that about himself and began to work at it, and be willing to admit when he has been wrong. Attributions can be really helpful but it all really depends on how they are communicated and the heart behind them.
Word Search D1
In doing my word search I found that forgiveness gave me good results. I was taken to pages like "Forgiveness is healthy" and an actual forgiveness institute website. When I researched revenge, I actually found a lot of links to the TV show "Revenge" which I do not watch mainly because it doesn't seem like it has an redeemable qualities to it. Reconciliation gave me a decent amount of results which led me to definitions from various websites. I think I got the best results from my word search on "reconciliation." I may be bias because I love the meaning of the word because it is so powerful. I think reconciliation is something that is rarely considered when a wrong has been done, and so depending on circumstances, it can be a really powerful action to be taken. It is something that carries a lot of weight and is extremely important to solving bad conflicts.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Forgiveness
Forgiving is something I was raised with. I think it is key to our lives as people. When forgiveness is bestowed, its important to remember that the person who did the wrong isn't getting let off the hook, but its more a release for yourself. It allows you not to harbor anger or bitterness in your life. I am a firm believer that an unwillingness to forgive can make things worse and gives the other person more control.
Now in no way do I think it is easy. I believe it is a daily choice and not a feeling. Its rare that one feels like forgiving but it is necessary. I have had and continue to get a lesson in this. About seven years ago my parent's got involved in an investment with a good friend of the family. Long story short, they were encouraged to take money out of the equity with the promise that it would return and they would have more money. Turns out, the investment properties never existed and my parents lost a lot of money. Our good family friend took money from my family and committed fraud. This situation has literally effected everything. I had to take out student loans because my parents could not afford college at SJSU, as well as my younger sister. My wedding was not the "dream" wedding a girl hopes for, but I have to say it was pretty awesome in spite of having to cut corners. I had to make a lot of financial sacrifices because of what this man did to my family not to mention that his daughters are some of my closest friends. My parents both struggled emotionally over it, especially be the person who took the money seemed to walk away without a consequence. There is plenty more to the story, but I had to make and still make a daily choice to forgive the man that took money without a backwards look, causing my dad to work on the weekends so they wouldn't lose their house. For a while I was pretty angry and bitter because I wanted him to suffer for what he did and he wasn't, but it was robbing me of my life and my happiness. So I make the choice to forgive.
Now in no way do I think it is easy. I believe it is a daily choice and not a feeling. Its rare that one feels like forgiving but it is necessary. I have had and continue to get a lesson in this. About seven years ago my parent's got involved in an investment with a good friend of the family. Long story short, they were encouraged to take money out of the equity with the promise that it would return and they would have more money. Turns out, the investment properties never existed and my parents lost a lot of money. Our good family friend took money from my family and committed fraud. This situation has literally effected everything. I had to take out student loans because my parents could not afford college at SJSU, as well as my younger sister. My wedding was not the "dream" wedding a girl hopes for, but I have to say it was pretty awesome in spite of having to cut corners. I had to make a lot of financial sacrifices because of what this man did to my family not to mention that his daughters are some of my closest friends. My parents both struggled emotionally over it, especially be the person who took the money seemed to walk away without a consequence. There is plenty more to the story, but I had to make and still make a daily choice to forgive the man that took money without a backwards look, causing my dad to work on the weekends so they wouldn't lose their house. For a while I was pretty angry and bitter because I wanted him to suffer for what he did and he wasn't, but it was robbing me of my life and my happiness. So I make the choice to forgive.
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