Key Concept

In reading chapter 12, I identified with the misplaced conflict concept. I find that I have a tendency to get upset about little things, like the dishes not being done, garbage not taken out or being asked to run an errand for the husband. When I start getting frustrated with things that normally don't really bother me, I start arguments about the tiny things, when the issue really is that I am not feeling appreciated for my contributions to the household, or I need some encouragement or quality time with him. Instead of being direct, about my needs I get frustrated that my husband does not know my unspoken needs. This is not a good way to deal with conflict and becoming more aware of it has helped me be more direct about my needs and decided to not get annoy or frustrated over the small things.

Attributions

There have been a few times where I made false attributions about someone within a conflict. I generally do not communicate them, but decide them in my head and it controls how I communicate with them.  I have learned that attributions can really hinder the solving of a conflict because it can portray the other individual falsely and do a lot more damage.

I have also had false attributions happen to me within the sharing of opinions and information. I was labeled as "white girl privileged" and ignorant because someone did not like my opinion on the upcoming election. While I stated my opinion graciously and kindly, this individual began to lash out rudely. In that moment, I knew I had a choice to either respond back in kind, or shut the conversation down completely. I chose to shut it down, because I could see her opinion of me was formed and there was no reasoning and  I could graciously say "Hey we disagree and I am okay with that, but lets not throw around insults because that doesn't make the world a better place, which is our end goal anyway," instead of returning with an insult.

Correct attributions do help, and can be constructive for personal development. When my husband and I were dating, some of our conflicts would get escalated because he did not like to be wrong. he would literally argue with me until I just gave up, even though(after the fact) he knew in his head he was wrong. And if I told him that it seemed as though he was just trying to be right, the conflict would get worse. Over time he began to see that about himself and began to work at it, and be willing to admit when he has been wrong. Attributions can be really helpful but it all really depends on how they are communicated and the heart behind them.

Word Search D1

In doing my word search I found that forgiveness gave me good results. I was taken to pages like "Forgiveness is healthy" and an actual forgiveness institute website. When I researched revenge, I actually found a lot of links to the TV show "Revenge" which I do not watch mainly because it doesn't seem like it has an redeemable qualities to it. Reconciliation gave me a decent amount of results which led me to definitions from various websites. I think I got the best results from my word search on "reconciliation." I may be bias because I love the meaning of the word because it is so powerful. I think reconciliation is something that is rarely considered when a wrong has been done, and so depending on circumstances, it can be a really powerful action to be taken. It is something that carries a lot of weight and is extremely important to solving bad conflicts.