Faces on Facebook

When it comes to Facebook. I try to be very true to who I am, without crossing lines. In general, when I post status updates, I think about how I feel about what I am saying and why I want to post it. If its something that is somewhat questionable, I will not post it. Same with photos, I have a test that I put my photo posting through. It goes likes this:

Would an employer find this questionable?
Will the high school students that I mentor get the wrong impression based off the photos or their parents?
Is this something I'd want my parents and In-Laws to see?

When it comes to posting things on a friends profile, I use the same test and for the most part will send it to them in a message if it is in anyway questionable. I would like to think that when people visit my page, they actually enjoy my posts since my main goal is to make people laugh at the things I write. As well as I would want the life I have off social media to reflect what I post. I am not into having two different appearances. So if my faces aren't adding up, I would feel like a fraud because what I am communicating online does not add up to what I communicate in person. I have been in situations where I have posted something that crossed a line, as well as someone did the same to me.

I had an issue where a family member on my husband's side (whom I had never met when this started) was taking pictures of me off my Facebook and posting them on her own, and it escalated to some very rude captions posted by her on the photos she had added to her page. At first I ignored it, until it escalated and I had to ask her to stop taking photos, as well as take her comments off on the photos she had posted. While I was very gracious it turned into a huge family drama because I had suddenly stepped on her toes. I ended up blocked, and later found out she was writing mean statuses about me. Her blocking me and such worked out in my favor, because I no longer had to have my pictures taken off my page, nor deal with her at all. It taught me to screen what is being posted and to utilize privacy settings.
 

Chapter 4, Discussion 3

The concept of the I-Statements I believe is one the most important concepts to apply. I-statements have the ability to prevent blame and move a conflict along in a healthy way.  I grew up in a family where I-statements were used frequently, so it is a second nature.

I have used I-statements in my relationship, and friendships. Any conflict that starts with an accusatory statements, normally does not end well. I remember friends engaging in conflicts where the ton was accusatory. I have two friends that are sisters, and for the sake of making this less confusing I will give them fake names. So Andrea and Stella used to get in arguments frequently. They would start with Andrea accusing Stella of thinking a particular way based off an innocent statement. These arguments would last for hours because one would be stuck defending herself and the other would continue accusing her. It took a while but eventually they started applying the I-statements which made their arguments so much shorter, and a lot less damaging.

I think that is the most important part of I-statements, the fact that they are a lot less damaging to a person then accusing or blaming.

Chapter 4, Discussion 2

I find that when I am listening to someone, I try really hard to hear what they are saying, and I will repeat it back to them. I admit there are moments where I am thinking about how to respond, as well as how I can make them feel heard.

I have experienced being in conflict where I haven't felt like that other party heard me, but was more focused on how to rebuttal what I said or felt. This frustrated me, and because of that I work really hard to listen to hear and understand then to listen to refute.

I do not tend to write down what the person says, unless I am really bothered by it and decide to journal about it. I only do that when I need to blow off steam.

Chpt 4,Discussion 1

Depending on the conflict, I may find it easy to stop the conflict or hard. I cannot say it is the same for me every time. Conflicts where I have an emotional investment, or a situation where I was hurt, it is harder for me to take a step back. Although I have learned that it is extremely important to take a moment before embarking on a conflict. Depending on the conflict I can either walk away quickly or it may take a while.

Responding automatically is also dependent upon what caused the conflict in the first place. If the approach from the other party is accusatory, that will make me feel like I am backed into a corner, and may find it harder to respond automatically because I may have been caught off guard. If it is a conflict or issue that I am aware of, I find that I do not struggle with responding automatically because I had time to think, process and prepare for the conversation at hand. I suggest in both instances, to take a deep breath and allow yourself to calm down. Remind yourself that emotions do not control you. Tell yourself it is okay to take a few minuets. With practice, it will become easier to respond well and with class, as well as quickly.

Mediation

Communication majors should make good mediators because they learn about re-framing, and asking the right questions and communicating to understand. They learn the right way to phrase sentences, and the communication is more about listening well then speaking well.

Lawyers and Psychotherapists, have more of an agenda for a specific end result whereas mediation is more focused on the clients finding a win-win situation for each person versus a winning situation for one person. Also, in terms of a Psychotherapists they may be focused on diving deeper into the root issues of a person versus reaching a compromise.

All occupations have their place and are important, it really just depends on what the individuals needs are.

Concept of Ideas

In a previous blog, I mentioned being in a situation where I was in the midst of conflict with my employer. Within this situation I ended up having to confront the general manager about what was going on and his part in it. I went in, with my goals for the conversation lined out with questions and comments on piece of paper. I had to remain professional and engage in relationship centered communication. I was very upset about what had transpired as well as the unfairness of the situation.

Emotionally, I wanted to run in and raise hell because an injustice that had taken place but I had to swallow my emotions and approach the situation in an attempt to get a win-win, as well as show my character and ethics. Within this situation I learned the importance of having relationship-centered communication. I found that I could walk away from my job without having burned a bridge and ended up with being able to clear my name. While, I may have little respect for the GM because of what had been allowed to transpire, I know I would get a great review because of how I handled the situation, when a future employer calls. I can walk away knowing my conscious and my employee record is clear. That is why relationship centered communication is so important.

Punishment vs. Discipline

In reading this question I decided to look up what discipline and punishment meant. One of the definitions for punishment is severe handling or treatment, a penalty inflicted for an offense. Discipline means a punishment inflicted by way of corrections and training. These are two very similar definitions but one serves to correct behavior while the other inflicts harm without a potential learning aspect. Discipline teaches a young child right and wrong without inflicting emotional harm, punishment has the potential to cause harm and in some ways has an intent to harm. Now that being said people can easily use discipline in a wrongful manner, and without balance.

Parents can cross a line in parental authority when they use discipline as a means to control, or inflict bodily harm. This only inflicts emotional harm and fear. Parents can cross a line with how they discipline and what they chose to discipline for. It is about picking the battle.