Attributions

There have been a few times where I made false attributions about someone within a conflict. I generally do not communicate them, but decide them in my head and it controls how I communicate with them.  I have learned that attributions can really hinder the solving of a conflict because it can portray the other individual falsely and do a lot more damage.

I have also had false attributions happen to me within the sharing of opinions and information. I was labeled as "white girl privileged" and ignorant because someone did not like my opinion on the upcoming election. While I stated my opinion graciously and kindly, this individual began to lash out rudely. In that moment, I knew I had a choice to either respond back in kind, or shut the conversation down completely. I chose to shut it down, because I could see her opinion of me was formed and there was no reasoning and  I could graciously say "Hey we disagree and I am okay with that, but lets not throw around insults because that doesn't make the world a better place, which is our end goal anyway," instead of returning with an insult.

Correct attributions do help, and can be constructive for personal development. When my husband and I were dating, some of our conflicts would get escalated because he did not like to be wrong. he would literally argue with me until I just gave up, even though(after the fact) he knew in his head he was wrong. And if I told him that it seemed as though he was just trying to be right, the conflict would get worse. Over time he began to see that about himself and began to work at it, and be willing to admit when he has been wrong. Attributions can be really helpful but it all really depends on how they are communicated and the heart behind them.